Posts Tagged dog years

A Dog’s New Year’s Resolutions – by Jasmine

These practical resolutions – ghost-written by a spoiled Sheltie several years ago – are worth revisiting this new year …

I’ve noticed that humans like to look back on the past year and look forward to the year ahead. People think dogs are all about the present. But humans don’t have a corner on goal-setting. Here, for example, are my goals for the new year:

Refine begging skills. Sad eyes. Droopy ears. Heavy tail. Remember the time Spunky ate my favorite chew toy. Method acting at its best. I really miss that toy.

Convince my owners that choking is overrated. Yes, I know the bones are small. Just hand over the turkey carcass and nobody gets hurt.

“Roll-over” is for Pillsbury, not pups. I want that apple-stuffed, cinnamon-frosted turnover and I want it NOW. No tricks, just treats. Read the rest of this entry »

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Cash or compost?

atm500hHow much is that doggie in the window?

Never mind that, how much is a $100 bill worth once it’s been “recycled” by said doggie?

I don’t mean to mention names, but Jasmine, you’ve got some ‘splainin to do …

It all started when a human in Jasmine’s extended-family pack left a large-denomination bill unattended atop his luggage while said pack-member took a dip in the pond, or, in human lingo, a shower.

When he returned to the crime scene, aka unattended luggage, aka (in doggie lingo) “fair game,” he found said high-denomination bill was, in human terms, M.I.A., missing in action, or in pop country lingo “gone like a freight train,” or, in prime-time TV lingo … “Without a Trace.”

Things that make you go, “hmmmm.”

For some time, it was a proverbial “cold case.”

But thinking humans are inclined to connect dots. And the dot-connectors amongst us deduced that:

  1. said high-denomination bill was there before said human pack-member left the room, and …
  2. said high-denomination bill was gone when human pack-member returned, and
  3. the only other residents in the house at the time of the crime were cute and innocent-in-appearance, but suspects nonetheless, canines, and furthermore that
  4. one of said canines had a known proclivity toward eating paper and
  5. was unlikely to distinguish between a) Kleenex, b) trash, and c) a high-denomination but paper nonetheless, bill.

Therefore, thinking persons deduced that the perp was, quite likely, a pup. Read the rest of this entry »

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