Archive for February, 2009

Marley & me … dog enablers anonymous

yellow lab A precocious puppy, like the one in “Marley & Me,” has few dull moments. Nor do the humans in his pack. The movie’s portrayal of a dog’s life, from puppyhood on, was a fitting tribute to the highs, lows and ultimate blessings of a family pet … especially mischievous dogs with a lot of energy, personality and heart.

There’s nothing quite like occasionally neurotic, impulsive, act first/think later (if at all), “Don’t-you-just-love-life-just-because-it-is-what-it-is?” canine creatures. Those who were likely put on this Earth as an object lesson in “no-holds-barred” unconditional love that humans can try, but only rarely succeed, at matching.

Contrary to cats, who can be cool, hip, fun and compassionate, but inclined to keep you guessing, dogs are typically far less inclined to hide their feelings. A cat, for example, who slams into a perfectly Windexed window will do its best to hide the pain and convey a believable, “Yeah, I totally meant to do that,” attitude.

But dogs, in all their “It is what it is” honesty, will clearly and unambiguously convey an “OUCH!! Wow, did that ever hurt!” attitude, “but that’s okay because my favorite people EVER are here. It’s all good. I’m over it. That was SO two minutes ago.”

So Marley, and other beloved “clearance puppies,” will continue to wear their heart on their collective sleeves, (or rather, paws, eyes, ears and tails), push the boundaries of societal propriety, terrorize unsuspecting strangers, destroy valued personal property, chew with abandon, occasionally pee indiscriminately, tear up and break down social norms, yet still, somehow, manage to spend more time on the sofa than in the doghouse.

It’s not sound theological dogma, but one could speculate at least that if the greatest commandment is love, then there’s a pretty decent chance that these canine masters of unconditional love may indeed be waiting for us on the other side. Tails wagging, paw prints all over the streets of gold and an ecstatic, over-the-top greeting, well in advance of the pearly gates, but not before dropping one of St. Peter’s seriously chewed-up shoes and dragging along something that looks like it could have been a harp.

If humans can forgive their occasional bad manners, surely the saints will, too.

“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”

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Cash or compost?

atm500hHow much is that doggie in the window?

Never mind that, how much is a $100 bill worth once it’s been “recycled” by said doggie?

I don’t mean to mention names, but Jasmine, you’ve got some ‘splainin to do …

It all started when a human in Jasmine’s extended-family pack left a large-denomination bill unattended atop his luggage while said pack-member took a dip in the pond, or, in human lingo, a shower.

When he returned to the crime scene, aka unattended luggage, aka (in doggie lingo) “fair game,” he found said high-denomination bill was, in human terms, M.I.A., missing in action, or in pop country lingo “gone like a freight train,” or, in prime-time TV lingo … “Without a Trace.”

Things that make you go, “hmmmm.”

For some time, it was a proverbial “cold case.”

But thinking humans are inclined to connect dots. And the dot-connectors amongst us deduced that:

  1. said high-denomination bill was there before said human pack-member left the room, and …
  2. said high-denomination bill was gone when human pack-member returned, and
  3. the only other residents in the house at the time of the crime were cute and innocent-in-appearance, but suspects nonetheless, canines, and furthermore that
  4. one of said canines had a known proclivity toward eating paper and
  5. was unlikely to distinguish between a) Kleenex, b) trash, and c) a high-denomination but paper nonetheless, bill.

Therefore, thinking persons deduced that the perp was, quite likely, a pup. Read the rest of this entry »

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